If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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