Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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