I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Cover your peen. We're going out.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
