My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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