We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
