Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
