she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
