Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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