fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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