I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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