It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
