dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
