I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
