Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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