so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
