And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
