and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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