I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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