I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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