just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We left the knife in your bed.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
