You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
