Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
