I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
