pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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