My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
