Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
