im having a threesome with these popsicles
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
