thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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