Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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