i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
