You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
