my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
