i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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