The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
