My brain says no but my pants say off.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
