yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
