I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
