alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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