It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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