Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
