I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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