i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
