drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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