morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
