He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
