we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
