he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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