and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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