were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
