My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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